Info Experience Thread

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Participant :The Sublime @Emperor Cross
Host : The mean Fish @Gochi , the Big Tiger @Fire Tiger

Link to Start :https://thrillerbark.com/threads/beautiful-pirates.191/post-43467
Link to End : https://thrillerbark.com/threads/beautiful-pirates.191/post-56789
Cavendish and Suleiman are dead.
Emperor Cross : 8 posts
Gochi : 6 posts
Fire Tiger : 1 post
Emperor Cross's scores:
Personality: 16
Your personality was ok at best. It wasn't as good as I was accustomed to. Could have been because of the absence of a story as the whole thing was just a fight but yeah, this the most I could give you.

Your desire to rank up was the best part about it, thus your 16 score.


Story Progression: 12
There was no story, just a fight. So I guessed it progressed well, if that makes sense. It was clean, quick, and it didn't feel forced or rushed.

Combat Prowess: 15
Nothing special here, it was plain average

Descriptions: 10
Ok, so this is where I'm having the most problems with. There was a blatant lack of description in your posts. You only described the attacks and the reacts to them. Hardly anything else and even that was just basic. The most I saw was you describing what Shaarib was wearing and his hair. I couldn't get a good picture about anything from your view. You don't have to have superb description of everything but at least something on the scenery, the ships, etc to setup an image for the reader.

Enjoyable: 15
Post Count: 8
Exp: 5027


Gochi's scores:
Personality: 14
The most I saw from here was Suleiman's loyalty which was a bit subpar and it was just one thing to let us know what the guy was like. Moreover, I didn't get much from Cavendish either; all you had for him was in your second post. Again, it could be cause there was no story and y'all just fought immediately, so a personality can't be developed. Nonetheless, this is all I can give you.

Story Progression: 12
Combat Prowess: 13

You were pretty lacking in the description of your attacks. At best giving just a basic showing of them. For instance, he prepared to swing his haki-darkened blade at Shaarib's neck. This is pretty basic. You could have described the motion of the attack and the force and velocity he strikes Shaarib with much better.

Descriptions: 17
Pretty good for the most part ignoring the combat.

Enjoyable: 16
Post Count: 6
Exp: 2716


Fire Tiger's scores:
Personality: 16
Story Progression: 10
Combat Prowess: 0
Descriptions: 18
Enjoyable: 17
Post Count: 1
Exp: 362
 
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Larsi's scores
Personality: 15
Story Progression: 15
Combat Prowess: 0
Descriptions: 16
Enjoyable: 15
Post Count: 2
Exp: 1086

Gambit's scores
Personality: 16
Story Progression: 14
Combat Prowess: 0
Descriptions: 14
Enjoyable: 15
Post Count: 2
Exp: 1039
 
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Last edited by a moderator:
Messages
3,417
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11,265
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Gambit's score
Personality: 17
Story Progression: 18
Combat Prowess: 16
Descriptions: 17
Enjoyable: 16
Post Count: 12
Exp: 10087

Larsi's score
Personality: 15
Story Progression: 15
Combat Prowess: 16
Descriptions: 18
Enjoyable: 16
Post Count: 12
Exp: 9423

Ranger's score
Personality: 19
Story Progression: 15
Combat Prowess: 18
Descriptions: 19
Enjoyable: 15
Post Count: 11
Exp: 6371

--------------- Post automatically merged: ---------------

@Gochi , @Captain Khan , @Emperor Cross
First Post - - Last Post
Extra Info: Canon | Little host change on the last post.
did i do this right?
You should try to keep it in this order
Name of Island/BG
Participants(and their levels during BG)
Hosts(if any)
First Post
Last Post
Extra Info(if you can, please add the post count of each participant minus the host. Just makes things much easier)
 
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Ranger

The Driven
Messages
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@Gochi , @Captain Khan , @Emperor Cross
First Post - - Last Post
Extra Info: Canon | Little host change on the last post.
did i do this right?
Foodvalten Review

Gochi @Gochi
Personality: 17
Story Progression: 14
Combat Prowess: 17
Description: 18
Enjoyability: 18
Post Count: 15

Canon Score: 12,609 EXP

I really like your character from the start being so straight forward in his goal as well as the good variety of word choice you used in descriptions. Though Khan did a better job actually describing things than you, the way you wrote was more refreshing to read and aided the flow of the posts. Though sometimes they were a bit lacking and left me wanting to read another paragraph. I assume it is just Gochi's personality to know that the people he is about to eat are weaker than he is and not a rule break since Gochi is very "balls to the walls" should I say.

NPC Host @Captain Khan
Personality: 19
Story Progression: 18
Combat Prowess: 15
Description: 18
Enjoyability: 18
Post Count: 14

Non-Canon Score: 8376 EXP

You have some repetitive description & word choice. Try to mix it up so the reader doesn't think that they are rereading the same sentence. Overall the descriptions were just detailed enough to give a good visual without overdoing the pacing so that is quite well done. I really enjoyed some of the great dialog interactions between the Brown Beard Pirates you wrote! You did an amazing job setting up the plot of the island inhabitants and even some miscellaneous characters which made reading your story quite interesting for me!

NPC Hosting @Emperor Cross

Post Count: 1

Non-Canon Score: 523 EXP

thank you for filling in for Gochi's host

@Ranger EXP for reviewing 2 pages = 600 EXP
 
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Marineford
Participant : @Emperor Cross
Host : @Gambit

First Post :

Last Post :
@Gambit
Personality: 19
Story Progression: 18
Combat Prowess: 7
Description: 18
Enjoyability: 21
Post Count: 14
Rulebreaks: 2
Non-Canon Score: 7,456 EXP

@Emperor Cross
Personality: 15
Story Progression: 14
Combat Prowess: 5
Description: 15
Enjoyability: 16
Post Count: 15
Rulebreaks: 2
Canon Score: 8,506 EXP

You both did a good job writing. Emperor Cross, some of your posts were long without enough substance to warrant the length, so the length of those posts actually hurt your score, but only a little as most were good. Toward the end tho after the battle, you write a lot of paragraphs that went on very long and I kept getting lost in them and felt like you could have said more with less in those final posts--which would free up some space for more descriptions and such.
Gambit, you did a really good job in terms of the readability and pacing and enjoyability of your posts and did better in Personality and Descriptions over all. But, you both did an above average job in almost every regard!
Where it gets complicated, is combat mechanics. I suggest you both take better care in the future to be more creative with how you write combat sequences in relation to following the rules--as opposed to just breaking the rules for the sake of writing your characters being badasses.
Gambit, at one point you used two +20 buffs that you made up based off of Ranger using only one +20 he made up--on top of that you performed an S+ rank attack and both forms of haki and Kami-e all in the same turn. "61-80 Immense Stamina(Can do several big techniques or abilities)" You could have mitigated some of this by having the next turn be Momonga literally dying from exhaustion lol, but instead you had him get up and perform another round of impressive suicidal feats without missing a beat. These were funny posts to grade cuz the pacing and readability and the creativity that went into them was stellar but it was all a rule break and severely damaged your combat score.
Emperor Cross Yes that crazy attack Gambit pulled was kinda bullshit, but you let it slide and decided to respond to it, so it's still your responsibility to respond to it correctly. You used Tekkai with Mountain level durability to completely 'tank' an attack that was Large Country level DPR . This was a HUGE missed opportunity for your character. If you had taken it as a chance to describe in glorious detail what it would mean for Sharib and his personality and his dreams, to experience taking a full body hit that was 3 levels higher than his defense--I mean thats some 'life flashing before your eyes' level shit right there--but instead I just got more of Sharib feeling like a standard shonen bad ass, "was that your best attack? heh!".
Cross, your final attack was written as an auto-hit, and you went back and edited one of your posts 12 days after it was posted--so you got a rule break a piece for those. Gambit, you edited a post for grammatical errors after Cross had already posted. Almost every post from both of you had plenty of uncorrected errors, even the one you edited. I don't think anyone marks down for grammar unless its completely unreadable--there is almost never a good excuse to go back and edit a post after the next person has posted their response to it. I gave you a rule break for this.

--------------- Post automatically merged: ---------------

@Roogy
Personality: 15
Story Progression: 4
Combat Prowess: 15
Description: 14
Enjoyability: 16
Post Count: 6
Rulebreaks: 0
Non-Canon Score: 2,268EXP
@NeoRetro
Personality: 12
Story Progression: 1
Combat Prowess: 13
Description: 12
Enjoyability: 14
Post Count: 5
Rulebreaks: 0
Non-Canon Score: 1,469 EXP

Unfinished, good old fashion "how'd I end up in this field oh I should fight this person" BG. No story really but Roogy you did have a bit in there about valhalla and Weapon's beliefs in a way that at least pointed to a narrative outside the scope of the fight so i gave you some points for that. Weapon is a strange character, I like the bit with how you describe him reacting to the shigan. Your posts were short but had a good balance of poetic language and attention to detail and clarity that was appreciated and complimented the shorter length. Over all, I'd say this got mostly a passing grade across the board with Roogy going a bit above and beyond compared to Neo. If you want comments @NeoRetro , come and get em ;-)
 
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Amazon Lily Review

@Oreki
Score: 11,768 (canon)

Personality: 18
Story Progression: 17
Combat Prowess: 15
Description: 16
Enjoyable: 18
Post Count: 14


@Gintoki
Score: 7,285 (non-canon)

Personality: 16
Story Progression: 17
Combat Prowess: 15
Description: 18
Enjoyable: 18
Post Count: 13


Reviewer EXP: 600 for 2 pages
 
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Oreki’s Score
Personality: 16
Story Progression: 12
Combat Prowess: 12
Descriptions: 15
Enjoyable: 14
Post Count: 11
Canon Exp: 7050

Cross’s Score
Personality: 10
Story Progression: 13
Combat Prowess: 11
Descriptions: 10
Enjoyable: 11
Post Count: 7
Exp: 2212

Gintoki’s Score
Personality: 14
Story Progression: 14
Combat Prowess: 10
Descriptions: 14
Enjoyable: 12
Post Count: 3
Exp: 1158

The combat for all 3 of you was pretty sub-par. All you guys did was just describe the attacks you used and that’s the bare minimum when it comes to CP. You gotta make the actions dynamic and something that actually feels like it’s a part of the story, not just your way of taking down your opponent.

The descriptions were bland too. Cross, you barely had any in your posts. Oreki, yours was flat and basic at first but improved a little as it went on. Gintoki, yours were just ok. Ultimately, all 3 of you lacked any sort of description that made properly envision what was going on around you. It lacked vividness, wasn’t creative, and I couldn’t immerse myself into the story as if I was there.

Cross, your personality was terribly lacking. I saw a little glimpse here and there with Inazuma, but all you had him do was just like fight. Ivankov wasn’t fleshed out at all and didn’t even feel like he was in the story. I know you ended your hosting short, but there wasn't really a presence of any of the characters in the story while you posted.

Gintoki, you did better but not that much. You could have done a much better job with how the Okamas felt when Ivankov died. There wasn’t any emotional tension made, they just felt “shock” which is pretty lame and then charged forward. What you could have done better was showcase their anger and emotions properly. How enraged some felt, how sad others were. If you really wanted to go with the shocked route then described their faces, body language, given some dialogue. A whole bunch of stuff.

Overall, this canon island was booty cheeks.
 
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Cross’s Score
Personality: 15
Story Progression: 12
Combat Prowess: 13
Descriptions: 13
Enjoyable: 14
Post Count: 7
Exp: 4311

Gambit’s Score
Personality: 16
Story Progression: 13
Combat Prowess: 12
Descriptions: 14
Enjoyable: 15
Post Count: 6
Exp: 2614

Cross: for you it's the same thing with Momoiro island. You described your actions very well but completely failed to describe everything else. No general description of your surroundings or how the events that were transpiring affected your surroundings. You pretty much just did a good job of the bare minimum and even then the imagery wasn’t that great enough for it to be clear for me to understand; there were sometimes which I wasn’t quite getting what you were trying to do.

I noticed that you had described Shaarib a little at the end but it was out of place. You usually do character decisions at the beginning of the story so everybody gets to know what they look like. Ending descriptions are only for when the character has changed as a person, so you describe his looks to portray a change in demeanor and attitude. A beginning description would also be necessary so a contrast could be made. That didn’t happen for Shaarib as he was a static character.

One positive of yours was your personality. Although Shaarib was a static character throughout the whole thing, I think you adequately portrayed what he’s supposed to be like. A relentless and serious person who gets the job done at all costs; and at the end with him being so excited about having a high bounty was a good touch to show his sillier side.

Gambit: firstly, Cross was right about the conflict with the barrier. His attack should have gone through instead of you blocking it. It didn’t hurt you that bad but just a mistake on your part. About your description, it was better than Cross’s but not by a grand amount. You did the basics of describing your actions but what made it better was that exposition at the start. It was a nice addition that you didn’t have to add.

I loved the way that you portrayed Barto. It followed closely in line with the manga version but it was kinda funny this time with the pictures in his cabin and how he was basically worshipping them at the start. You didn’t overdo so it wasn’t cringe and you didn’t center it around your RP. Other than Barto, there wasn’t much personality for anybody else. Gambia’s little piece came very late, almost too late at the end. I was also confused by it too. I get that he wanted to protected his grandma but you made it look like he would consider joining Shaarib if there was some way that his grandma could get killed. My problem with that is it doesn't make sense. His captain and best friend got killed, he shouldn’t be considering joining the crew of the killer, if anything, he should be attacking everyone irrationally and uncontrollable or be put in a dark pit of sadness.

@Gambit
 
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Name of fighters: @Gintoki as Link and @Oreki hosting as Laskey
Link to start of fight
Link to end of fight
Extra info: It was only Link vs Laskey to get Rokushiki.
@Gintoki's Score
Personality: 16
Story Progression: 15
Combat Prowess: 15
Description: 17
Enjoyable: 17
Post Count: 10
Canon Exp: 7852

@Oreki's Score
Personality: 18
Story Progression: 18
Combat Prowess: 13
Description: 18
Enjoyable: 19
Post Count: 9
Non-canon Exp: 5212

The mood was super relaxing and chill. There isn't a problem with that but the fight didn't match that mood. An aggressive link trying to get stronger while his opponent was chilling and just trying to school him didn't really balance at all. It would have been much better if you guys slowly transitioned to a different mood that would have fit the premise of the fight.

One other thing I noticed was in one of your posts Gintoki. You said this: Everyone on this island is still chained to someone pulling the leash. It's very easy to see when you can witness their actions, body language and more.' I liked it. It was deep and made sense. But what I didn't like was you failing to actually describe those action and the body language that would indicate that the people were still on a leash. You just said it for me to guess.

That's mainly the bad stuff, let's get to the goodies. Stating off with Gintoki, your description has really improved. There are still a couple weird sentences there but most were nice and smooth.

Oreki, you did really good as Laskey. In that small pool of posts you were able to flesh him out and make me know his character. He's this guy that learned a lot from his past and has resorted to a sedimentary life(I think). The way you had him interact with Gintoki's posts allowed me to get a good understanding of what he was like. With how he was able to look into Link and see what fruit Link was becoming. I don't know. It's hard to explain. Point is you did good. You both did.
 
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