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joby

joby

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so, i can't do anything right lol, but here is an unlicensed, incomplete, and illegal review of Cavendish that I started but I guess wasn't s'posed to, so I'm gonna go do an official and complete and legally sanctioned review of something else...:tedhug:
@Emperor Cross
-the way you start your first post, narrating where you left off in punk hazard, the way you worded it was confusing. It felt like I needed more information.
-cool interaction with Skypeia news. Though it would have been extra good if you spent a little bit more time on the emotional complexity of having some random pirate steal his dream of killing Enel from him—or if he isn’t the kind of person to dwell on something like that, to mention that.
-when Sharon called himself daddy-Sama and his troops as children I lolled, it’s like flamboyant white beard.
-you need to include attack descriptions in the posts you put the attack in so everyone is on the same page about what your techniques are doing
-awesome description of suleiman and I like that you take on not just adding description to your character but what he knows of the other characters. It also makes it feel less like reading a see saw back and forth between posts so it made reading the whole thing smoother.
-you didn’t say you were using tekkai when u used it. You also didn’t include the technique descriptions here (look at how gochi did it w/ spoiler tags)

@Fire Tiger
-kind of funny this line “the placid waters of the new world” since the waters of the new world are the most treacherous and unpredictable hahah. I get that it is just that moment tho lol.
-you nailed cavendish right out the gate
-including the neighs was hilarious

@Gochi
-a single rose fell from the sails and down to the deck of the ship and I’m all in let’s do this. Great way to start the post.
-that first attack from sharib should have done some more bodily harm to cavendish and your combat score would have been better if you had described not just the damage to the ship.
-I love how cavendish ends up on his horse out of nowhere—only so you can describe him dismounting the horse lol.
-you don’t really go into much detail about the naval warfare aspect of this fight.
-I think you could have described the effect of your strong attacks more dramatically—you do it slightly, but the way you describe your A-ranks slash shaving thin strips of would and cloth... sounds underwhelming!
 
Einsauer

Einsauer

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joby said:
@Gochi
-a single rose fell from the sails and down to the deck of the ship and I’m all in let’s do this. Great way to start the post.
-that first attack from sharib should have done some more bodily harm to cavendish and your combat score would have been better if you had described not just the damage to the ship.
-I love how cavendish ends up on his horse out of nowhere—only so you can describe him dismounting the horse lol.
-you don’t really go into much detail about the naval warfare aspect of this fight.
-I think you could have described the effect of your strong attacks more dramatically—you do it slightly, but the way you describe your A-ranks slash shaving thin strips of would and cloth... sounds underwhelming!
Click to expand...
You make me happy, friend. Thank you for your illegal review.


joby said:
-I love how cavendish ends up on his horse out of nowhere—only so you can describe him dismounting the horse lol.
Click to expand...
Gochi said:
'Neigh!' Shouted Farul over the echoing noise of the crumbling wooden posts. The white stallion rushed to catch his captain.
Cavendish landed onto the back of his loyal horse with an audible grunt from both of them.
Click to expand...
:pepeweird:
 
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